cry

I cry alot. I am miserable and fat so I cry. Really there should be no other reason to cry then to feel like a loser. I have a fear of death. I think I am dying, I think about it often. I am sad. so I cry.

my marriage

It sucks no doubt. He wants to never be bothered and have a cooked meal and a clean home everyday and will offer no HELP! I about die every time I have to ask him for something. he is rude, he can get really mean and he on occasion has lost his temper completely. I sometimes wish I had the means to divorce him and not put up with him anymore, but it is rough and I dont think I can do that to my two little boys..... ehhhhh.

A Start

I am not sure why I started this blog, maybe a place I can be real and not be judged. Its sad when you have to create a random email account so people you know will not read this blog. I am hoping it does not get popular by any means.

So my family all talks major shit. They complain about someone to one family member then talk about that person to someone else. I am at a lost. The more I am around the more I see how upsetting this behavior is. I want to cry because while my dad is telling me how disappointing my sister is to me, I know he is saying something to my sister about me, my husband pointed out this sad reality and I cried. I know he is right, but who ever wants to not trust their own family. They suck, they each do it and I dont.... they just make me cry.

 I am supposed to loose weight. Yes I am over weight and yes everyone cannot wait to criticize me. I am trying but I cheated today, I went to McDonalds and had a Big Mac and made my fries and drink large... uggghhh.. I feel like an addicted loser.

Am I alone. Who will ever read this. I pray nobody I know. I feel alone right now, and think I nailed the name of this blog, life is rough no doubt.